Fleeing From my Phone
Jun 6, 2024
For hundreds of thousands of years, news traveled only as fast as the people who carried it. Messages moved at the pace of runners, horses, ships, and eventually railroads, trucks, and airplanes. Only recently has news traveled at the speed of light.
This brings me to today’s gripe. Correspondence, once treated with respect and anticipation, has drastically changed. In the past, letters were a cherished form of communication. People would set aside time to read, reflect, and respond thoughtfully. This slower pace was well-suited to our biology and allowed for meaningful exchanges.
Over time, technological advancements like the telegraph, phone, and eventually the internet and instant messaging accelerated communication. We went from contacting places to directly reaching people, making interactions both more personal as well as more frequent.
Fast forward to today, and every app has ALL OF THE THINGS, ALL OF THE TIME. Text, images, calls, video, conferencing, group threads… As of the time I’m writing this, I have active conversations happening in 12 different apps, that, in essence, all do THE SAME THING.
Initially, the novelty and rarity of these new platforms was exciting. The classic AIM chime? 🤩 Custom ring tones for every friend? 💯 But as the volume increased, it became overwhelming. Each ping transformed from something I looked forward to, into something I began to loathe. Each little red dot a pixelated red flag waving for attention. Screaming that this Notification is IMPORTANT!
My relationship with my phone and computer shifted from proactive to reactive, making it hard to stay focused. Even glancing at my phone would shift my mind into problem-solving mode, as I'd guess what the notification might be about, and how I should address whatever it might be. By the time I consciously decided not to engage, it was too late, my subconscious is already off and running, and now it's up to me to reign myself back in, disengage with the distraction, and get back to whatever I was originally doing.
What I'm Doing About It
I haven’t completely solved this issue, yet, but I'm making progress. Simple measures like deciding to use my phone less didn’t help. Instead, I first had to acknowledge I'd rewired myself to be reactive, and just as it took years to rewire myself one way, it would take years to change it again.
With a newfound intention, I've started treating messages like Correspondence of old. At work, I batch responses to emails and messages. For personal communication, I don't want to formalize it into a schedule, so I just do what I'm comfortable with in brief pockets throughout the day.
Perhaps most importantly, I recognized that we all only have so much mental bandwidth and the accidental unspoken social construct of expecting everyone to be available all the time is unfair and unhealthy. With that in mind I gave myself permission not to respond immediately and turned off notifications. My phone stays in DND mode, and I disabled most visual and audio alerts. This reduces the constant pull for my attention.
Additionally, I use my phone's bedtime routine feature to switch to grayscale in the evening, making it less visually stimulating. I (try and often fail to) charge my phone in another room to avoid the temptation to check it constantly.
These steps have helped me regain some control over my communication habits. If you've faced similar struggles, I hope my solutions are useful. If I haven't responded to your message, it’s not you—it's me.
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